So,what are you doing these days ?
There are two kinds of people who ask me what I am upto these days. One is the group of genuinely interested friends and family, who are actually interested in knowing what I am doing and I talk honestly about what keeps me busy through the day. I feel like sharing my day's activities, my feelings and generally my thoughts on what's going on with my life.
Then there is this other kind, who actually put me off with their question because of the way it is asked. The question is laced with a tinge of sarcasm, a feeling of superiority, an incredulous expression of "You can't-be-busy-all-day-bcos-you-are-at-home" and needless advice on why I should be going back to IT industry.
I worked really hard through the school years to acquire that much coveted engineering degree. I worked really hard though college to acquire that much coveted IT job. I worked really hard to get my dream kind of challenges in my career. Nothing was ever a breeze for me. So if I have given up all that for something else, then that "something else" must mean a lot to me. Since I know what I have given up, I try to make it totally worthwhile to do what I am currently doing - which is essentially parenting.
I realise each day how much I am growing as a person, just by being an involved parent. I derive great joy in being able to cook for my children, help them with their studies, mould their character, listen to them when they want an empathetic ear, teach them the values I believe in, pick good books for them, read lots of stories to them, tell them my own stories wherein I sneak in the message that I want to get across and ofcourse sing lullabies ! (Who else is ready to hear my songs ?!!). There is no way I will want to outsource any of these activities to anyone else, unless it is a necessity. It is also an impossible task for me to pack all these activities in 2 or 3 hours stretch, which is what I will have to do if I was working full time outside the house. I know my limitations. So I have made a choice which works well for me. There is no doubt that all these tasks involve lot of effort. This is what lot of people don't seem to get. Being a stay at home mother as compared to a working mother, does not entitle me to a lot of free time. But yes, it is giving me time to be a lot more healthier than what I was a few years back !
I am not judging anyone here. Everyone makes their choices and they have their own reasons to do it. I respect that. This post is mainly a clarification for those second category of people who ask me "So.........what are you doing these days?"...if I am not in a good mood you might just get a "Just doing stuff" reply from me :-)
#posted by [ ranjani.sathish ]
Then there is this other kind, who actually put me off with their question because of the way it is asked. The question is laced with a tinge of sarcasm, a feeling of superiority, an incredulous expression of "You can't-be-busy-all-day-bcos-you-are-at-home" and needless advice on why I should be going back to IT industry.
I worked really hard through the school years to acquire that much coveted engineering degree. I worked really hard though college to acquire that much coveted IT job. I worked really hard to get my dream kind of challenges in my career. Nothing was ever a breeze for me. So if I have given up all that for something else, then that "something else" must mean a lot to me. Since I know what I have given up, I try to make it totally worthwhile to do what I am currently doing - which is essentially parenting.
I realise each day how much I am growing as a person, just by being an involved parent. I derive great joy in being able to cook for my children, help them with their studies, mould their character, listen to them when they want an empathetic ear, teach them the values I believe in, pick good books for them, read lots of stories to them, tell them my own stories wherein I sneak in the message that I want to get across and ofcourse sing lullabies ! (Who else is ready to hear my songs ?!!). There is no way I will want to outsource any of these activities to anyone else, unless it is a necessity. It is also an impossible task for me to pack all these activities in 2 or 3 hours stretch, which is what I will have to do if I was working full time outside the house. I know my limitations. So I have made a choice which works well for me. There is no doubt that all these tasks involve lot of effort. This is what lot of people don't seem to get. Being a stay at home mother as compared to a working mother, does not entitle me to a lot of free time. But yes, it is giving me time to be a lot more healthier than what I was a few years back !
I am not judging anyone here. Everyone makes their choices and they have their own reasons to do it. I respect that. This post is mainly a clarification for those second category of people who ask me "So.........what are you doing these days?"...if I am not in a good mood you might just get a "Just doing stuff" reply from me :-)
Nice post Ranjani.I can understand how that feels when people throw in sarcastic comments. Being at home does not avail all the free time that one thinks.
Posted by
Sumana |
11:17 AM
Nice Post Ranjani.. I can understand those sarcastic ppl. In general everyone thinks who stays at home do nothing.. But staying at home and doing all these things ourselves takes lot of time and effort... I agree.Everyone has their choice and circumstances which makes them to be they are..Nothing is right or wrong.
Posted by
Thava |
12:33 PM
Thanks Sumana and Thava, for your kind words !
Posted by
ranjani.sathish |
9:42 PM
Ranj - I know this about you - how you made a conscious decision to stop working for these reasons - but still reading this post - makes me respect you even more. But I have come to realize some things will never change. Some people cannot, just cannot understand why you would give up your career. Sadly it is stinging I feel if you have done a PhD. Actually - no - I think even IT careers - people treat the same way - imagine the kind of money you will be earning - how can you give that up and be home...kind of remarks. Someone I have known for a few years here only recently came to know that I had done my Phd. She too gave up her career to raise her kids. She too said, "what really, I did not know this about you...then why, why aren't you working? I thought you had only done your masters". People just say things so randomly. They look at me like you must really be a loser if you did your Phd and still you are "sitting at home" with your kids. One person said "what makes you think your children are so special that mine aren't?. You are just holding them back by constantly being around them". God, the kind of remarks you get. Why do people make our lives so difficult? I have become better but I still find it hard not to feel affected by it or get doubts...cz it is not like children of working couples aren't good...they too are wonderful. It is more about what I feel I can cope with. It just is. That's it. I am who I am and this is how I feel I can be at peace. It makes me feel better to read your post - you have written it with clarity of mind and conviction in your decision and it shows. I wish you, S and your wonderful children the very best!
Posted by
noon |
12:29 AM
Hey noon, as always nice to read your long comment ! Those are really atrocious words ".....think your kids are special...". I can understand how much more stinging remarks you must be getting having a Phd. Like you say, some things work for some people and for some it does not. It is not for others to decide what I am doing with my educational qualification.
Thanks so much for your warm wishes :-)
Posted by
ranjani.sathish |
2:57 PM
"cz it is not like children of working couples aren't good...they too are wonderful. It is more about what I feel I can cope with."
Noon - nice! thats the point.
"if I am not in a good mood you might just get a "Just doing stuff" reply from me :-)"
Ranjani -- may i say that you are too polite? ;-)
Posted by
swami |
12:37 PM
swami :-)), vera ennatha solla ?!!
Posted by
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8:19 AM
Nice Post.
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