Random Thoughts

Sangitha's post, which I have linked in the earlier post, churned some thoughts in my own mind. I am a person who thinks carefully before speaking and performing any major deed. So normally I do not carry around major regrets or guilt about anything I do. (Ah....what arrogance, I can hear you muttering :-)). Ofcourse there are always  some rare occassions, which make me remorseful.

But there is one niggling thing, which sometimes refuses to get out of my head. I don't know if I should call it regret, because I feel ambivalent about it. It is about the timing of my decision to quit my job, after I had Sooraj. I waited till he was three years to finally make the call, though the idea had germinated even when I had to join the workforce when he was 5 months old. There is always the fierce longing to get back those first three years of his life, when I spent so much time away from him. I don't know how much of a difference it would have actually made to him, but I like to imagine that it would have been lot more wonderful THEN and less remorseful for me NOW.

But when I think of my career, the best phase of my professional life were the years after I delivered Sooraj. I got some challenging projects, which made me feel good about my leadership role and boosted my self esteem enormously. I quit, knowing that I could be a good leader to a big team, only that I was making the choice to step out of the race. I have never really envied anyone from the workplace as they were progressing in their career path, be it friends or ex colleagues, even after I quit. I don't know if this would have happened, if I had thrown in my papers earlier, without the enriching experience of the last few years at work.

May be, everything was destined to happen at the appropriate times. May be the project I was handling towards the end would have gone smoothly even without me (it did before/after me), but I am very sure that my being with Sooraj the initial years would have definitely had a positive  impact on both of us.